Funny+Jokes



Funny Jokes Hi Guys! Post any funny jokes or something you find amusing here. A great way for a stress reliever!


 * Knock Knock! Whos there? Mike ... Who? Mike Jones! hahahahahahah


 * Supressing fire, **doesn't**. Friendly fire, **isn't**. Incoming fire has **the right of way**.


 * I was in a fender bender the other day. The man in the car starts freaking out, waving his hands around and cursing like crazy. He signals me to pull over, so I do. This dwarf gets out of the car, walks over to me and says, "I'm not happy!"....So then I said, "well which one are you?"


 * What are the similarities between a carpet and men? If you lay it down right the first time you can walk all over it.


 * How do you make a handkerchief dance? You put a little Boogie in it. hah.

//You're too young to smoke. user:AnthonyB87//
 * **What did the big chimney say to the small chimney?**

A somewhat drunk man feels a bald man's head and says, "Say, your head feels just like my wife's ass." The bald man feels his own head and says with a grin, "You know, you're right!" code
 * 1) code


 * "Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes, what do you want?" "I’m calling to report my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob’s house. Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Happy Birthday, Buddy!"


 * Two men were sentenced to death. They had the option to request one last favour before dying. The first man says “I would like to see my mother”. The guard then asks the second man, “what is your last request before dying” and the man replies “don’t let him see his mother”.

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.

The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!

The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the Corvette I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your season Pittsburgh Steelers tickets. HE paid for our house at the lake. HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!'

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do?

The cabby replies, 'I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold.'

- Anthony R